For those of you who saw my most recent Instagram (@jessvd324) post saw the amazing gift I just received this weekend from my sister Nikki:
Right?!? Perfection.
It's like she just gets me.
The shirt made me so giddy. But then the shirt made me so sad.
It was like a visual reminder of this giant rose-shaped hole in my heart. A hole that can only be filled by one thing:
A return of Monday night airings of The Bachelor.
Like most Bachelor Nation members, my Monday nights just haven't be the same since the last season ended and I am frantically counting down until the start of the new season.
But, until I find my purpose in this life again, until I discover the equilibrium in this chaotic, Bachelor-free universe I have been forced to stumble through, until I can truly thrive again, I bring you the following reflections:
The Language Arts teacher in me knew I had to make these reflections poetic - giving power to my words, adequately expressing the chasm that currently exists in my life. So, of course the logical thing to do was to make an acrostic poem. The true genius of poetry form.
Well, at least according to my sixth graders. I mean, come on nothing says poetic excellence like:
A - awesome
N - nice
N - nifty
A - amazing
Practically Shakespearean.
So, I sat down to write my Bachelor-inspired poem. I quickly decided I wasn't going to do my acrostic poem with the word "Bachelor" because come on... that means I would need to come up with 8 reasons why not having The Bachelor in my life is so hard and, this topic is most certainly not that big of a deal and definitely not worth that much effort.
The word of choice instead? Wine.
Because Wine and The Bachelor go together like well.. Wine and The Bachelor. And it was shorter. Need I say more?
So, without further ado:
W- What? I don't wanna...
I don't wanna be forced to watch Dancing With the Stars. The struggle is so real. There isn't nearly enough drama or champagne-induced sobs on DWTS and I really don't think the people on this dance show are "here for the right reasons".
The only thing DWTS has to draw me in is Erin Andrews and her impeccable ability to make every single interview with the dancers SO painfully awkward. I can't watch. Too uncomfortable. But I can't look away.
And puh-lease, don't think throwing a few of my old Bachelor stars on the DWTS cast will fool me. It is not the same. But, alas, I need something to fill my 7:00-9:00 Monday time slot and this is on the same channel and the same time as the Bachelor. I guess I could find a show to watch I actually like but.. old habits die hard.
I- It's just another Monday
I don't know about you, but I get something that my friends and I call the Sunday Night Blues. Around 6:00 PM on Sunday nights I get slightly mopey thinking about the weekend being over and having to set an alarm again.
The only thing that improved Monday's prospect was the thought that it was BACHELOR NIGHT!
Now, it's just another Monday. Le sigh.
N- No wine
I mean... I can drink wine. But there is something less judgey about drinking wine on a week night when you see girls who are way drunker than you on TV, and you are surrounded by your own best girlfriends... or, your comfiest yoga pants. Whatever floats your boat.
I just want Bachelor Nation parties back - is that so much to ask?
E- Excuses can't exist
I was like a Bachelor Superhero on Monday nights... completely untouchable. No ounce of grading, no responsibilities, no dirty dish, no laundry could touch me.
It was the one night a week I could say no to literally everything because, well, Bachelor.
My husband knew to not ask me to go to the gym, to have any sort of functional dinner prepared, or to really engage in any sort of real conversation on Monday nights.
Now, it is almost like I have to be a real person 7 nights of the week again.
****
I know all my Bachelor lovers echo my sentiments here. I will say, the only positive about temporarily switching out Bachelor with Dancing With the Stars is I get to see the husband do this around the family room.
| Ignore the blurriness - sneak photography at it's finest. |
Oh the joys of mocking The Waltz.
And until we get to see the catastrophy beginning May 18 |SO soon!| that will be this...
Happy Bachelor-less Monday!
Labels: Gossip, Last Laugh, Pop Culture
