I am a rule follower by nature - always have been.
According to my mother, my "terrible two's" weren't so terrible. I would shuffle from house plant to fragile antique, wag my finger at the object, while whispering "no, no, no". My toddler brain understood the concept that these were "no, no" objects that I was instructed not to touch - so, all be darn, I was not going to touch them. And the thing was, I was content with not touching them; it wasn't like I was sneaking grabs with my greasy, little toddler fingers while mom wasn't looking. I simply didn't touch these items under the precedence that I had been told not to. That was enough for me. |I am really, really crossing my fingers that my toddler manners are rewarded ten-fold when the husby and I decide to have our own little one. I deserve a perfect toddler. Those exist, right? That's just fair, right?|. Not much has changed over those twenty-some years; I still believe life functions best when there are rules that make it easy for me to say "yay" or "nay"; and yes, people who change lanes when there are two solid yellow lines send me into a tail spin. Rules, people! Rules!
So, it just seems logical that someone who has followed the rules for years and years, would be a rockstar at New Years Resolutions. The half truth is, I am great at creating resolutions - and I can assume most of you reading this are great at this step, too. The second half truth is, I am atrocious at keeping my resolutions - which I also can assume I am not alone in. Every year, around this time, the conversations in my head start going like this:
You really need to stress less. Wow, how many hours of E! News did you watch this year? Let's fix that; but, but E! News helps with my stress levels. Didn't you promise last year you were going to stop using Q-tips? The doctor told you how bad they are for your ears. But... they feel soooo good. No! Speaking of doctors... this year you will stop being afraid of the doctor's office. Oh, and ...
Why do we find ourselves in the same cycle? Making unrealistic resolutions that send us into a volley of self-expectations, self-ridicule, and self-induced excuses? I truly believe, like many ridiculous, absurd decisions we make as humans |I am looking at you Magic 8 Balls, the cayenne pepper water cleanse, and hammer pants|, they stem from a place of good intentions but are lacking in terms of reality and stability. There is truly nothing wrong with wanting to better oneself |without the help of a Magic 8 Ball, I suggest|, and what better time to jump into "Project Me" then with the fresh start the New Year promises? However, as 2015 quickly approaches, I challenge you to flip your resolutions on their head.
My "Typical" Resolutions:
I spent some time studying what I would typically "resolve". I noticed one thing: all of my resolutions were negative - littered with "stops" and "don'ts". My teacher brain started spinning in hopes of figuring out why I, even the rule follower I am, and countless other people can't keep our resolutions. We want to be the 2.0 versions of ourselves but we just don't... we reach approximately version 1.672 of ourselves, if you will.
When I want one of my 6th grade students to stop doing something that is distracting or off-task, I start praising all of the kids in the room who are doing what is right and expected. For example simply saying "Wow! I just love how Alison is sitting quietly in her chair waiting for directions!" will get the chatter boxes in the room to pipe down. The recognition is being directed at the positive. Or, "Oh my! I sure love how EVERY, SINGLE student in the room except for one is not using an empty Pringles can they have in class for some odd, inconceivable reason as a bass drum". Boom! Pringles can miraculously goes away. |True classroom story, people.| I do not think this happened because I am a genie, wizzard teacher who magically controls little humans; it happened because humans thrive in environments with positivity, recognition and praise.
So, why not embrace your inner 6th grader |yes, retainers and jeans at awkward lengths and all| when writing your resolutions this year? It truly is simple. Reword your resolutions in a positive manner. Instead of focusing on all of things you should stop doing, refrain from, or quit totally, rephrase them in a reward, praise-giving manner. When your resolutions are phrased in a negative sense your mind automatically connects them to a version of punishment and you certainly shouldn't be punishing yourself for the year you are concluding. You accomplished goals this past year, you made people laugh, you loved well, you ate delicious food, and came out stronger on the other end. Improving is good. Punishing yourself with stops, dont's and quits, is not. So, join me, will you in giving your resolutions a positivity face lift?
My "Flipped" Resolutions:
If you compare both sets of my resolutions side-by-side, you will notice that they accomplish the same exact goal but the second ones are celebrations of life, celebrations of a new year I have been blessed with, and celebrations of a "flipped" perspective.
~If I bring home less work I have time to do things that make me joyful - like writing and watching a moderate amount of reality television with a moderate amount of wine.
~If I focus on helping others through their stress I have less time to stress myself and I get to spend time delivering things to friends that naturally reduce my stress - cards, and glitter, and flowers, and wine.
~If I see my body as the powerhouse it is I am going to want to fuel it and care for it accordingly - and maybe forgo some of the wine mentioned above. Trust me, I see the irony of my other resolutions.
~It is literally impossible to compare yourself to others when you are building yourself up - try it, I dare you. If you really feel like multi-tasking do so while drinking wine.
~Controlling life is a futile attempt when you know something so much grander and better than you is at the helm.
~However, even perfectly-worded resolutions tend to be abandoned at times so, when all else fails give yourself, and others, Grace that overflows this year.
Give it a try & Happy "Flipping" New Year!
|What resolutions should you ditch?| |How can you "flip" your perspective?| |How can you flip the 'don'ts' for 'dos' and the 'quits' for 'starts' in the new year?|
Hugs & "-ish"
Jessica Van Dyke
Labels: Holidays, Reflections
